


Should've Stayed When I Was Holding You

by NerdsLikeUs



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Accidental Pregnancy, F/M, Little bit of Fluff, Little bit of angst, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 01:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6403306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdsLikeUs/pseuds/NerdsLikeUs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Holding you is all I'm thinking about</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Holding you, don't feel like going out</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Holding you, I think I'll think I'll just stay here with you a little while</em>
  <br/>
  <em>A little while</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Should've Stayed When I Was Holding You

She’s not quite sure what to think, let alone do.  
She sits on the bathroom floor for a long time. Too long. So long that her phone starts to ring.  
“May? Where are you?”  
His voice is business-like, direct. She feels tingles in her chest and her stomach and her upper arms.  
“Hello? May? I need to talk to you. Are you there?”  
His director voice, that’s how she thought of it. She knows she needs to answer him but her voice doesn’t seem to want to work.  
“May? May? Are you okay?”  
Is she? She doesn’t even know how to answer that.  
Finally she manages to unstick her throat. “I’m on my way.”

_It wasn’t supposed to happen. They were just in his office, drinking scotch._  
_His fingers brushed hers as he handed her the glass._  
_Her knee touched his leg as he sat beside her on the desk._  
_A glance, a smile, a buzzing in her abdomen._  
_He stood up to refill her glass. He was standing in front of her, pouring, and she could smell his Phil-smell; clean suits and ink and scotch._  
_He put down the bottle._  
_She put down her glass._  
_Holding his tie, she pulled him down into a kiss._

“May, there you are,” Coulson says. She enters silently, nodding slightly at the other members of the team.  
As he explains the situation with Hydra, she watches his face and his hands. He has a confidence and stability that she has always admired. She watches him and wonders how those eyes and cheeks and fingers would have looked when he was a child.  
“What do you think May?” he asks.  
She wonders if their child will have his eyes or hers.  
“May?”  
“What, sorry?”  
Phil’s brow furrows, and after glancing around at the others he walks closer to her. “Are you alright?” he says, softly so that only she can hear.  
She looks into his eyes and feels herself begin to cry.

 _They kissed softly but fervently, deeply. He pulled back suddenly, confusion on his face._  
_She felt electric, full of fire and longing. She brought her face close to his and murmured his name. Their noses brushed, foreheads touching._  
_He ran his hands down her silk-smooth arms and looked at her searchingly. She didn’t know what to say,_ I want this _or_ do you want this _or_ we’ve waited too long, just kiss me, _so she didn’t say anything at all and tried to send it all through her eyes._  
_And then he was kissing her again, and this time it wasn’t soft at all. They burned together, moving and merging and meeting, putting every lost moment and unsaid word into the kiss. She pulled off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, and ran her fingers over his chest. He pulled her top off over her head and kissed her neck, gripping her waist._  
_Before she quite knew how, the desk was cleared and they were lying on it. She moaned and gasped and sighed, he kissed a line from her neck to her navel and murmured her name into her stomach._  
_They held nothing back, for what felt like the first time. No secrets, no silence, no solitude. They laid themselves bare before each other. Raw and open and desperate, they put every missed touch and truth into this one._  
_It had been hours before their longing had been sated enough so that they could lie still. Somehow in the frenzy they had kissed their way back to her bunk, in the dark of midnight when no one was awake to see. They lay there, not touching for the first time in a long time._  
_“Coulson,” she said, and the moment breaks. They were back, then, to friends and co-workers who called each other by their last names, who kept their distance and stood apart._  
_He rolled over suddenly and kissed her deep and long. She put her hand on his cheek and held him close, and thought how this was, in the hundreds of kisses they had had that night, the realest of them all._  
_He took his mouth from hers but kept their faces close. “I just needed to do that,” he said. “Once more, before things go back.”_  
_He kissed the corner of her mouth, then stood and left, closing the door silently behind him._

Blinking hard, she looks away quickly, but Phil has already seen.  
He sends the others out, and she can see the curious and worried looks on their faces. She tries to remain stoic, her usual self, but when he places a gentle hand on her shoulder she feels herself shudder.  
“Melinda,” he says quietly. She looks up at the sound of her first name, and sees the same searching look in his eyes that she saw that night.  
Despite the glass-fronted office, she realises she can’t go another minute without his touch, and she wraps her arms around his middle. He pauses for a small second, then returns the hug, folding her deep into his embrace. She smells his smell again.  
She sighs into him, and he buries his face into her neck and hair. She never wants to let go. She knows she should speak, should take her arms away and tell him, but his lips are just brushing the skin on her neck and it’s making her want to stay.  
Finally, he pulls away, although not so much that there is any space between their bodies. He gently brushes her hair from her face and says her name again, as a question.  
She shakes her head tiredly. “I’m sorry, Phil,” she whispers. “I’m sorry.”  
“Why?” he asks, concern written on his face. His worry is kind of beautiful, and in that moment Melinda thinks she might just love him.  
She says it aloud for the first time, and the words make it suddenly real as real.  
“I’m pregnant.”

_She lay in the dark for a long while, quiet in her heart. She felt her skin turn cold again, and the smell of him fade from her sheets. She tried to let the memories of the night fade with it, let them too turn cold. It was easy to do when she thought of the door closing, when she thought of him leaving, when she thought of her saying his last name. It was harder when she thought of his kiss and of his words._  
_Hours later, when her sheets were scentless, her skin had warmed again from the movement of the day. But her heart was still cool, and her deep self changed._  
_It wasn’t until over a month later that she felt her physical self change too._

Coulson says nothing. His silence makes Melinda itch, and she steps back out of his arms.  
“I know I should have told you sooner,” she says. “But I didn’t know for sure myself until this morning.”  
He still doesn’t speak. She bunches up her shoulders and looks away.  
The silence stretches on, and on and on, until Melinda can’t stand it anymore. “Look, Phil,” she starts to say, but she stops when she sees the look on his face.  
He’s looking at her, eyes shining. Her heart flutters.  
“Phil,” she says.  
He closes the distance between them in two strides and suddenly they’re kissing again. She whimpers a sound that she has never heard herself make before, a sad and happy and lost and found kind of noise. He holds her face in his hands and kisses her long after she starts crying.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is different to most other things I've written before, so feedback would be extra appreciated :) Title and summary from _Holding You_ by Jim and the Povolos.


End file.
